♣ Monday, April 02, 2007 ♣
The season of Lent is upon us once again. For the workaholics, it's a season of ultimate vacation and rest, for most religious people it's a season of fasting and sacrifice, for students it's a season of beach hopping.Well for me it's a season of reflection,soul searching and repentance. Right now pinipilit ako ng mom ko pumunta sa church and mag confess, every year nagcoconfess ako, pero this time, I don't really feel the need to do it, not because tinatamad ako,not because takot ako,pero as i grow older, im starting to respect the fact that each and every individual have their own belief and sense of faith, and so am i.. I will not try to justify my actions as to why i don't want to go to church and confess today, but i believe kase na hindi na kailangang dumaan pa sa priest ang paghingi ng tawad for all your sins, i have my own unexplainable relationship with God, ive got strong faith in him, and I believe that's all that matters..
I'd still go with my family sa mga upcoming religious activities, like bisita iglesia, station of the cross, etc.. Not because im forced to do so, but because i find great inner peace in doing it..
As part of my repentance,I would like to say sorry to two people, I know they won't get to read this,(haha and im sure of that).. But if given the chance and right time, i would let them read this..
1st: Sorry, alam kong nasaktan kita, but believe me, hindi ko ginustong saktan ka.. The day that you were expecting to see me, but I didn't come,I know for myself that I had to make a quick yet tough decision that I know can possibly change everything between us.. I don't know pero natakot talaga ko, fear of an unknown cause.. yeah I know it's bullshit.. Napakawalang kwentang reason.. Pero that's really how I felt that time.. haha Feeling ko kase may something na mangyayari nung araw na un, something that im not yet prepared of.. haayy..Pero I really wanted to be with you that night.. Now i know why some people call me weird..*poof* Ayun, im really really really sorry... Naging selfish ako kase hindi kita pinuntahan nung mga times na alam kong kinailangan mo ko.. From then on alam kong hindi na tayo ok, and I know I was at fault..Pano ko nagawang saktan ung taong gusto ko?...haay.. But still, I believe that things happen for a reason.. Again, im really really sorry, alam kong mali yun.. I didn't give chance to the "what could have been's" and "what if's" for both of us..*sighs*.. I would always be here for you..hawkey?! :p I promise..
2nd: Sorry, to a friend who is so dear to me.. At some point I felt like I betrayed your trust.. But believe me,I have no intentions of hurting you.. A lot of people, and even God knows how much ive tried to stay away from "that demonic temptation".. Pero bumigay ako..Halos si God lang ung tinatakbuhan ko nung mga times na un dahil alam kong sha lang ang makakatulong saken na itama ang mali..Im really really sorry..I love you so much..And even "that demonic temptation" knows that,kaya kahit gano katinding pressure ung binibigay nung mga tao around us and kahit gano niya kagustong magmake ng move for me, I never allowed "that demonic temptation" to ruin our relationship.. Kilala ko sarili ko and i know that im not capable and would never want to be capable of doing such evil act..I must say that ive overcome "that demonic temptation" already.. Iniiwasan ko na ang dapat iwasan..so far so good.. Mas masarap mabuhay ng walang nasasaktan na tao, mas madaling ngumiti at tumawa kapag alam mong tama ang ginagawa mo,minsan masarap isakripisyo ang sariling kaligayahan para sa kaligayahan ng mahal sa buhay..Hindi ko na papahabain pa 'to coz alam kong there's no point in justifying the actions that ive made kase mali talaga un.. But still, from the bottom of my heart,sorry friend... I love you so much..
(clue for person #1:someone from my bittersweet past! :p)
(clue for person #2: a college friend..wiiiiiiie!!:p)
"Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass." - Confucius
"You've failed many times although you don't remember. You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim. Don't worry about failure. Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try."
The season of Lent is upon us once again. For the workaholics, it's a season of ultimate vacation and rest, for most religious people it's a season of fasting and sacrifice, for students it's a season of beach hopping.Well for me it's a season of reflection,soul searching and repentance. Right now pinipilit ako ng mom ko pumunta sa church and mag confess, every year nagcoconfess ako, pero this time, I don't really feel the need to do it, not because tinatamad ako,not because takot ako,pero as i grow older, im starting to respect the fact that each and every individual have their own belief and sense of faith, and so am i.. I will not try to justify my actions as to why i don't want to go to church and confess today, but i believe kase na hindi na kailangang dumaan pa sa priest ang paghingi ng tawad for all your sins, i have my own unexplainable relationship with God, ive got strong faith in him, and I believe that's all that matters..